109 pages • 3 hours read
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The color blue recurs throughout the memoir. Sandra recalls the “sparking blue waters of Lake Tanganyika,” the navy-blue skirt of her school uniform, and her blue jersey, which her younger sister, Deborah, was wearing when she died (6). Sandra mentions the color both when she recalls tranquil moments and reflects on personal tragedies. The pale blue dress occurs in both contexts. It’s a symbol of a time in her youth when she enjoyed a degree of normalcy. Thus, when the dress is ruined, it symbolizes the rupturing of the happy life Sandra enjoyed in the Congo when her family was still intact.
When Sandra first mentions the dress, she describes it as her favorite because it makes her “feel like a princess” (8). She packed this dress before heading to the refugee camp, where her family had fled for safety, despite knowing it would be of no use to her there. While at the camp, she considered wearing it to church, which was held outside, but was afraid of getting it dirty. Later, she unsuccessfully tries to use it as a tourniquet after her aunt Nyarukundo is shot during the massacre. Sandra later recalls how her mother had bought her the dress to wear during a local youth procession, for which she played the role of the bride in a facsimile of a wedding. Many of the children who participated in the procession were later killed during the massacre.
The morning after the massacre at the refugee camp, which was also the morning after Deborah was killed, Sandra stared with rage at “the sun rising slowly in a pale-blue sky” (66). She and her mother had been awake all night, searching for Sandra’s eldest brother, Heritage, and trying to find out who within their family was left after the slaughter.
Sunrise is symbolic of new beginnings. Despite the trauma of Deborah’s death, and Sandra’s concurrent feeling that life could not continue without her, the rising sun is a reminder that life does go on, even after seemingly insurmountable tragedies. On the morning that Sandra’s family arrived in Rochester, New York to start their new American lives, the significance becomes more evident. Sandra and her family left behind both the tragedy of the massacre, as well as a lifetime of nomadism, to embrace hope and an opportunity to build a permanent home in the United States.
In Central Africa, short hair was the style convention for many girls, and it was the look Sandra sported for most of her life before moving to The United States. However, to fit in with her African American peers, many of whom wore weaves and braids or had relaxed hair, Sandra convinced her mother to buy her a curly black wig made of synthetic hair to hide her short hair. Though the wig was so poorly made that it caused Sandra to break out in a rash, she insisted on wearing it to avoid feeling out of place.
The wig is symbolic of conventional, racialized femininity. It alludes to the pressure to conform to white American standards of beauty that many Black women and girls feel. Sandra discusses this pressure in other contexts, including her puzzled reactions to Barbie dolls and the images of ultra-thin women on television. Hair, however, comes up in several episodes in the memoir as a key marker of difference. To make themselves more conventionally attractive, or to avoid accusations of being unkempt, Sandra describes how her Black girlfriends worked hard on their hair, though this effort to make themselves acceptable did not protect them from racist stigmatization.
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